Friendships

When life gets tough, most of us desparately need those around us that will hold us, pray for us and be very patient with us as well walk in this daze of "what happened to my life". I am learning that God wants me to hold out open hands to new people as well as people from my past and receive from them the life-giving blessing of the day. Let me tell you about a few of my recent gifts. Anthea is editing this new book we are putting together. She is also giving me gentle nudges to move out into promoting myself as a speaker. Carol is always praying and encouraging me.Meredith is my new counselor in grief ( not really a professional but very good at finding life after being torn apart by grief) I was able to encourage a recent widow friend, Chris, who lost her husband after 40 years of marriage. None of us live in a cave alone. We MUST have each other. Those others MUST know and love God and be able to share their faith with us. I bless you all to find these life-gving relationships that will help you discover God's new plans for you. Jeremiah 29: 11."I know the plans that I have for you, plans for a hope and a future."

God's Grace

His loving hand of grace enters my life every day. Last weekend I spend the weekend with friends from my past. Lance and Francie Cobb invited me for the weekend and I found myself driving from Houston to Ft.Worth without a thought about the duties that I was leaving behind. They even wanted my dog, Lula to come. What amazing people!! The protection and gentle listening from friends who knew and loved Billy was priceless. Add to that the care Alan and Shirley Koonce, who also loved Billy, added to the weekend. Let me explain. Shirley wanted to give me a grief book entitled A Grace Disguised by Jerry Sittser. She and Francie talked about how to get together and give the book to me. The plan was made to get together on Sunday. I sat outside with the two couples on a beautiful afternoon in Ft.Worth, Texas. ( This is the city that Billy proposed to me) When the guys started talking about the days of old with baseball stories that included Billy, I thought I was in a warm bath on a cold day just basking in the knowledge that I am loved and remembered. I can't explain how comforting that conversation was. The confusion of the last few years has made me feel like my past was irrelevant. This day brought back feelings that God not only knows my pain and loss but He also knows how special my past with Billy was and maybe still is somehow. Today I sit here reading this book about someones loss of a wonderful spouse. I am reminded that yesterday exists in everyones heart and the love we have had is still present. While God is healing the loss, He is also reminding us that He loves the stories of the past. Past, Present and Future all are alive in Him. He is the Alfa and the Omega. Love your past just don't live in it. The Present brings the Grace and the Future offers the Hope. For anyone experiencing Loss, I highly recommend this book.

He Watches Everything

I haven't written in almost 6 weeks. That seems strange since last September I was writing almost everyday. I have felt separated from personal and meaningful words from the Lord lately. Have you ever had periods of time when nothing came to you in prayer or in experiences that let you understand more of His love or presence in your life? I know that I need to continually press forward or I will drift backwards. Even though I know this, I really felt nothing. What a confession after all He has done for me!! I read in "Streams in the Desert" that God is not in our feelings. I believe that ,but I must say feelings can be overwhelming. Just when I was believing the lie that God was not really watching all the little things in my life that would bring me peace, security or joy, HE SHOWED UP. This is how..... I recently adopted a puppy. A neighbor of my daughter had some puppies that she needed to sell. When she brought this cute toy party snauzer over, I knew this was the companion that I needed. The rest is history and her name is Lula (after my grandmother). Oh yes, and the "rest of the story".... One of my online banking accounts had several security questions and pictures to open the account. The picture that I picked over 2 years ago was Lula. Her size,coloring, breed is the same as this picture. Remember, I could have picked a truck, a tree, a flower, a bird ...anything. God knew 2 years ago that He was going to place this dog in my life and remind me that He knew she was coming. He loves me. Oh How He Loves Me and He Loves You too. Look for Him.

What Do You Know About Yourself?

I am sure that you hear people say "well that's just who I am". I hear it often when someone is justifying some behavior or opinion. No one wants to use the SIN word anymore , but did you know that our Heavenly Father calls bad behavior SIN. We all do it everyday. He even warns us about that. It is our nature to SIN. But, excuses are never OK. The main reason that we should be just as opposed to it as Daddy is that it always separates us from others and Him. Billy and I had such a wonderful marriage because we learned to not only apologize when we exhibited one of those behaviors but we also agreed to let the other probe to the root cause of that behavior. The root was often lodged deep in our hearts from judgements and unforgiveness that was placed there from a painful past experience. The festering wound could rise up at any time and defile almost anyone but expecially a loved one. How many marriages could be saved , families restored ,friendships mended if we all could quickly acknowledge our bad behavior and then pray and confess the root. This last process would set us on a journey to be more like Jesus. "I am a child of God, made in the image of God and being restored to the likeness of Him. Oh Yes, What does a child of God look like? Most often these traits are found in the descriptions like, (Love, Joy, Peace, Patience, Kindness, Gentleness, Self-Control) I challenge you to descover your true self. Love ya, Mom, Nana, Jennifer

Which Way Are You Looking?

Over and over Scripture tells us to look up. Look to Jesus. Look forward (for the joy set before Him, Jesus endured the Cross). It is so easy to focus on the problems or circumstances, feelings or physical pain of the moment. This circumstance is usually screaming "Pay Attention to ME". How do you then turn away and look up or forward? I have watched my Lord over and over gently point me in that positive direction. I must get very quiet to see or hear His direction. Even getting quiet is not the natural human reaction to a problem. Do you remember a parent or teacher telling you to count to 10 before you respond in anger? Maybe in those 10 seconds, we can allow our emotions to separate themselves from our thoughts and especially our words. In those moments we have the opportunity to look up and see His answer, His words, His plans and choose His response. I had that opportunity the other day, when a person that I was counseling responded sarcastically to a comment that I had made. I felt that fire inside and a equally sarcastic comment was forming in my mouth. I was able to count and pray. Out of my mouth came an apology for the miscommunication. The person accepted the apology and then offered one of their own. I really believe that only God can keep us humans in loving relationships. We are so focused on our own pain that we forget to look up and see the pain He endured to free us. Those whom God has freed are free indeed. God bless you my loved ones.

Routines

I still can't catch my breath. Even though it has been 2 plus years of being a widow, everyday my mind,emotions, and body beat differently than they did before. Actually, my heart skips beats that were regular. I question these changes all the time and wonder when I will settle into a new routine, one that has some predictable or at least recognizable patterns. I think about ways to honor my previous life and try to listen to God's directions to follow His plan for my future. Remember, He knows the plans that He has for me. They are for a hope and a future. I spend time with a lot of people who haven't had this complete of a distruption. When with them, I can't help wondering if they would do something different, better, or worse than I am. I know, I know, don't compare. Not easy. I have learned to live one day at a time. And, I have found grace in those 24 hours. I am looking for something that I can't make happen. Maybe you are too. I think that something, is knowing the purpose is still there. After a dream is gone, is there a new one and did the old one just end. Again, I have found His Grace in focusing on the Big Future. His coming Kingdom. But, where is the little purpose that provides routines and comfort zones. Let's consider that the "little purpose" is faithfulness. It is like that sweet kindergarden child ( my Seth or Ava) They will learn their purpose as they complete those worksheets and learn how to read. I see it, Lord. Forgive me again for impatience. I pray for you and me to have patience to be faithful in the little things. I will not despise the day of small steps. I love you.

Never Fail

Wouldn't that be great to know that you could "never fail"? Most of us, including me, are afraid of trying new things, especially if we think that we might fail. I have done so many things these last two years out of shear nessesity that I have lost count. That must be one of the reasons that the Lord allows these trials. I don't think most of us would even try new things if we didn't have to. I have learned that my mind needs to stay on the REASON for my life. It is not that I never have problems, or never fall short in something. It is getting up every morning and telling Him that this day is His and I am living it with Him and for Him. I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. At the end of the day, I thank Him for all the good things of the day and release to Him the things I am trying to be concerned about. I seem to need a plan to keep me on track. The plan comes in my quiet time in the morning. Today's plan from the NIV is from 2Peter 1:3-11. " His divine power has given us everything we need for life and godliness through our knowledge of him who called us by his own glory and goodness. Through these He has given us VERY GREAT AND PRECIOUS PROMISES..........Make every effort to add to your faith goodness and to goodness, knowledge, and to knowledge, self-control and to self-control, perseverance and to perseverance godliness and to godliness brotherly kindness and to brotherly kindness love."....... And guess what!!!!! ......" If you do these things YOU WILL NEVER FALL" or FAIL. What a great promise. All I have to do is try these things, ask forgiveness when I fall short. The grace of my Daddy, picks me up and I hear Him tell me "Well Done." I say to you all who are working on your life of faith, "Well Done" Great will be your reward.

I love you all,
Mom, Nana, Jennifer