This week

How has your week been? I was going to write everyday but distractions stopped me. I think writing and praying are often diverted because of busi ( ness). That is another story. Let me tell you about Monday night. I was given permission to restart the prayer room as a gathering together. Several of the guys from my class set up the room and were praying before the class. The atmosphere was permiated with the presence of God. We prayed, worshipped and testified about the wonders of God for 2 hours. It was amazing. One man shared that his grown son just became blind. We prayed for healing. Another man shared that he has left God, he wanted to come back and we prayed for him. Another shared about fears that were invading his dreams. We prayed and asked God to restore his peace. It was a glorious evening. I started my second group on Tuesday at 3:00. Eight men brought a friend who was leaving on Monday. We all were able to give him words of love and support to send him on his next journey. These men are the ones reading about martyrs for the faith. We are talking about what it is going to be like when God asks us to spend time in prison for our faith. Then Tuesday night at the class about the Father's Embrace my group time was spend with the guys wanting to hear about how to believe God's love in difficult circumstances. I proceed to Wednesday thinking things couldn't be better and then the guys in my 3:00 group share how much they are learning about anger from reading Billy's book. We talked for at least a hour about how to let God dig deep in your heart to uproot the anger. One man prayed and released forgiveness in a very abusive past situation. We all felt the peace and presence of God. Thank you Lord for a wonderful week of being used by you. More Lord.

Journaling

When I was in high school, I kept a diary. This was filled with events, friendship issues, hopes and dreams. Billy started keeping a journal in 1972 after we had our marriage miracle at the Church of the Redeemer. We still have all of his journals from 1972-2008. It has been both wonderful and painful to read what he felt and told God all of those years. The difference in a diary and journal to me is that the total purpose of the journal is to reveal the deep things of your heart to God (good and bad) without exposing anyone else. In my journals,I try to keep up with my prayers and the things that God is saying to me as I read His word. I haven't been as faithful as Billy was but these last 18 months, I have found the process of journaling and rereading my journal as a vital exercise. It continues to remind me that I am not alone, that I do hear from God and that He is being faithful to my needs. Today, I had several car repair errands. I knew that I would be waiting at several places so I took my journal. While I was waiting to get new tires put on my car, I wrote some of the encouraging things that had happened to me at prison yesterday. It took some time to get focused because the TV was on the "wrong channel" and I was a bit concerned about the price of the tires. After praying about those things, I started to write. A lady in front of me asked if I was journaling. She expressed that she wanted to but had a difficult time with the discipline. As we talked, I told her about Billy's journal and the Book. She asked me where I thought the book would be most useful. I told her that I had hoped the Fellowship of Christian Athletes would want it for their members. She expressed excitement because she knew one of the main leaders in the Houston area. She took 2 books and left with a promise to get a book to her friend. Do you think that God is present in our daily errands? I certainly to today. Maybe we have to get over ourselves and the unpleasant stuff to still reach out and look for Him.

Today

Most of us can look back and see the answered prayers. I have experienced change,blessings, and healings in my finances, marriage, health, direction and many other areas over time and after the problem is completely removed. What is a challenge to me is to see God working today and in ways that I can easily ignore. So, I have been writing my prayers down since my retreat and I am becoming more aware of the answered prayers in my TODAY. One example was that I started praying for more people to want to read Billy's book. Not just read it but be blessed and strengthened in their faith in God. Well, TODAY I received a phone call from the wife of one of Billy's team members. She had seen the book on her husband's desk and took it to read. She found my phone number and called to order more books because she loved the book. She expressed to me that she felt like she had an experience with the Lord while she read the book and that she called it " life changing". I knew immediately that the Lord answered my prayer. We talked for a long time and shared personal stories with each other. It seemed like I had known her for a long time and we were like sisters. While this would be a pleasant experience on any day, it was exceptional because I knew it was connected to my prayer. God heard me, He always hears me and loves blessing me. TODAY I heard Him. Remember what God said to the Israelites after they had seen Him do many miracles in the past but they couldn't believe for the current problem. Hebrews 3:13-15..."encourage one another daily, as long as it is called TODAY, so that none of you may be hardened by sin's deceitfulness. We have come to share in Christ if we hold firmly till the end the confidence we had at first. As has been said: "TODAY if you hear his voice, do not harden your hearts as you did in the rebellion." Lord give us Confidence in you TODAY. I love you, Jennifer

Looking for God

After my quiet time with the Lord this morning, I felt peaceful with my plans for the day. I only had a few errands before I start my new class at prison. This afternoon I will be introducing the guys to Richard Wurmbrand, an amazing man that was in prison in Romania for 14 years for preaching Jesus Christ. We are going to focus on what God calls some of His children to go through to bring the knowledge of Jesus to others. I am forced to look at my own struggles to find the words to reveal Jesus to others. No one wants to be known as a fanatic and yet anytime that we open the subject of God and His love for us to someone who doesn't want to hear, we risk this title and the rejection that accompanys. I am asking God for boldness and love to be everything that He wants and needs from me. So today, I go to prison.

New Life

When I got married in 1967, I started a new life. I had a new name,new address,new checkbook, new,new and more new. Adjustment is never easy but oh what a wonderful life I had with Billy Crain. To have something of value that will last, we must be willing caretakers of the small beginning. This valued object-person-relationship will take many forms and cause everything in you to change to maintain the growth. Remember, if something isn't growing, it is dying. Most people think love is a feeling. Anyone who has raised a child knows that love is persistent effort over a long period of time. The process of finding new life for Jennifer Crain, or any of you who have had a major life-change, must stay focused on the only one who promises that change will bring joy and peace. Change makes us feel "out of control", and we are " not in control". Keeping a focal point when this happens keeps us from getting dizzy and lost. That focal point must be the resurrection of Christ Jesus. This is what I come back to when nothing seems comfortable. NIV-Romans:6;3-4 "...don't you know that all of us who were baptized into Christ Jesus were baptized into his death? We were therefore buried with him through baptism into death in order that, just as Christ was raised from the dead through the glory of the Father, we too MAY LIVE A NEW LIFE." Ask Him to show you what His resurrection looks like to you and for you today!
Joy and Peace to all of us in 2010.

No Limits

I told you that taking a retreat would be wonderful. It has been freeing for me. Maybe not complete freedom. I have been told by more than one person that all of this journey through grief takes time, but today I sit in the Red Cactus Grill using their free wifi on the TCU campus. Texas Christian University is the school that I went to for 2 years while Billy was at A&M. I took every elective possible, never planning a degree.Billy wrote most of my papers because I felt so inadequate. Today, I have masters degree in Social Work and have learned to use some, not all, technical devices. A far cry from a girl who only wanted her MRS. degree. I say all of this to tell you that God's plans take us places that stretch us and make us more than we think or plan in our limited thinking. He loves us so much, he is not satisfied with our definitions of ourselves. He called Gideon a mighty warrior when Gideon thought he was a coward,hiding from his enemies. He calls me His Queen and His beautiful Bride. The King is calling all of His children to the fullness of who He created us to be. Don't settle "Jennifer", don't settle "_________", He loves you and He is jealous for you.

God's Plans

I am on retreat at the YWAM-Tyler base for 3 days. I recommend that you all take some time this year to get really grounded in the Lord. I believe things are going to change very fast this year and we are going to need to hold on and not miss important turns in the road. So far I have not only felt the loving presence of God but I have been guided by some words in the scripture:"God-you're my God! I can't get enough of you! I've worked up such a hunger and thirst for God traveling across dry and weary deserts. So here I am in the place of worship, eyes open, drinking in your strength and glory." Daddy wants us to trust Him so much that even when things are really hard, we can wait knowing that He is coming with more of Himself which will always be enough for everything that we need. That may just seem like words to you if you haven't searched for Him. He requires that we seek Him. He will not force himself or His plans on us,but if you seek Him, you will find Him. That is His promise and He cannot lie. I was also encouraged by the words in my meditational book,God Calling:Title-Do Not Plan:" All is well. Wonderful things are happening. Do not limit God at all. He cares and provides. Do not plan ahead, the way will unfold step by step. I am carrying you" Sometimes God asks us to plan and count the costs, but for me right now, God is asking me more to trust His supernatural, suddenlies and release the rest to Him. His plans are to give us a hope and a future that will completely satisfy us. I am not going to live a life of duplicity any longer. No longer trying to fit my plans in with His. Only His plans give life.

Hope vs Expectation

We stand at the entrance to 2010 hoping for all the good things that we want to happen to us. We make commitments, like diets, hoping for the quick miracle of weight loss. My commitment today is to hear the voice of God better and to find those plans that he has told me about in the past. All of us who believe in a God who personally loves us, hunger for more experiences of that love. Our problems and disappointments get too big when we put expectations of how God is supposed to give us those experiences. When those things don't materialize in the way that we think they should, we revert to feelings of helplessness and often hopelessness. My friends last night prayed for me that I would see, feel and experience the extravagant love of God soon this year. I believe those words were the voice of God for me. I must wait without the expectations. I also want to believe that the waiting will be short. 2010 will be for you and me a year when faith and experience meet. Remember Hebrews 11: The Message Bible: The fundamental fact of existence is that this trust in God, this faith, is the firm foundation under EVERYTHING that makes life worth living. It's our handle on what we can't see. The act of faith is what distinguished our ancestors, (Billy Crain), set them above the crowd. God is good and I am passionately loved by Him. Say this for yourself. " I,________ am passionately loved by a good and faithful God. Soon and very soon we are going to see our KING.