Life-maps

I can no longer live a life that only looks to what pleases me. I must know what God wants from me and what I need to do to stay "on course". The men that I am working with at the Carol Vance Unit are using Billy's book to challenge their hearts and actions. They are taking this course as serious as any one who recognizes the importance of freedom versus slavery. They also want to stay "on course". Yesterday, several of the men were vulnerable with situations that needed wisdom and direction. One man asked about an ex-friend and God's boundaries around covenant relationships. Another asked questions about revealing past sins in a current relationship. Another questioned how to keep the peace when children are involved in a broken relationship. They not only asked the questions but responded with humility and a desire to follow through with the prayer and suggestions that were given about these situations. I had three other chances yesterday to give counsel to friends in difficult situations. One friend wanted Jesus to heal her body and the other friends needed wisdom about marriage problems. I guess they came to the right person for the advice. I think Billy and I faced all of those issues. God loves to heal. We just need to pull out the "MAP", ask for and follow the directions that He gives us. The Message Bible - Psalm 19:7-9 "The revelation of God is whole and pulls our lives together. The signposts of God are clear and point out the right road. The life-maps of God are right, showing the way to joy. The directions of God are plain and easy on the eyes. God's reputation is twenty-four carat gold, with a lifetime guarantee. The decisions of God are accurate down to the nth degree"

Dearest Family and Friends,
Ask God to shine His light on your life today.( All of your relationships and actions) Test and see if you are going in the right direction. If not, loved ones, repent and return to God's Life-Map with your name on it.

Baby Steps

I have been told by several friends that I have made progress. I have also been told that I am too hard on myself. We need others, who love us and see the good in our efforts. Even if these efforts don't seem to produce a completed project. These friends encourage us and keep us going. The scripture in my mind today is from Zechariah 4: " Then the word of the Lord came to me. The hands of Zerubabel have laid the foundation of this temple; his hands will also complete it. Then you will know that the Lord Almighty has sent me to you. Who despises the day of SMALL THINGS."

My friend Carol was expressing joy about her grandson,Nolan, who was born on September 4. He has recently rolled over. Mom and Dad, (Jennifer and Micah) were watching, laughing, and encouraging Nolan in his great accomplishment. I have had the thrill of watching Brett and Cole take their first steps and say their first words in this last year. What a joy to watch these small beginnings. They don't seem small to parents and grandparents. So when God (Daddy, Papa) watches and listens to us say a small prayer or follow through with a small task that He puts in our minds, He is clapping and cheering us on. I do believe that is who He is. I want to stay focused on His pleasure in me. I want to forgive myself quickly so when I fall I will try
again. I need to be patient with myself because one day the temple of Jennifer will be completed with the fullness of Christ Jesus.

I wish you could all hear my son Brad's new song about God Finishing What He Started. It is so encouraging to hear his heart in song. See, here I am a mother cheering her son. God promises all of us that He is faithful to complete what He starts in us and He will keep all that we commit to Him. I commit to honor and bless my small steps today. What are you going to commit?

Who,What,Why, How!!!

I have been asking God a lot of questions lately...
1. Who benefits from this blog? Obviously, I do. It is somehow therapy for me. I think my family
benefits. They are reminded of the blessings from their Dad and how loved they are. But, you
my friends and maybe a stranger or two. I hope you benefit from being reminded that your
heavenly Dad loves and blesses you.

2. What's it all about? I believe that we all are desperate to know that our lives matter. And yes,
that our God does have good plans for us even when we don't see it in our immediate path.
Being a widow does not seem like a promotion in this life, but God told me I was like Ester
and that makes me a Queen. I haven't found out yet what a Queen does, except that I am
loved by the King and I have a responsibility to the Kingdom.

3.Why? Why me and why now,God? I think that we all need to find more of who God is,
everyday. The Lord wants us to know Him. He is so different from us that He needs us
to look with different eyes so that we can see Him. The earth is full of His Glory and one
day the earth will be filled with the KNOWLEDGE of His GLORY. Those of us that search
now will be very blessed. Remember Psalm #1...Blessed is the man (woman) that delights in
law of the Lord,and on his law he meditates day and night. He is like a tree planted by
streams of water, which yields its fruit in season and whose leaf does not wither.
Whatever he does prospers.....

4.How do I do this Lord? The days are difficult. The loneliness invades everything that I do.
My medicine is not only scripture but then I start thanking Him for where I saw His Glory
today. a) Brett (my 14 month old grandchild) laughed at me and gave me a kiss today.
b) Cole (my 19 month old grandchild) let me read him a book today.
c) I picked up Tyler,Trevor (10 years old) and Seth (5 years) from school today. They
were laughing about how they saw each other at school in the hall.
d) Ava ( 4 years old), Gave me a big hug and said "I love you, Nana"
e)I am planning a trip next week to see Brad, Heather, Joshua (6 years) and Gracie(4
years). I will get a lot of hugs then too.
f) Hayley and Richard are celebrating a wonderful wedding anniversay this weekend.
( God is so good to give my children wonderful marriages like we had)

Make your list, talk to your Daddy (God), read His word, (It's life and food for your soul)

Blessings from Billy 01-02-2006

Remember I told you that Billy wrote the family a blessing every week. I have been challenged again to ask myself some of the questions that Billy asked. Do I really receive what God says about me? Do I want to live life with the full measure of the Love that I have promised? Do I believe God in difficult circumstances. Do you? The background on this blessing: Billy had a medical test that was going to cost alot with the possibility of a cancer diagnosis. We had just started working at the church. Money was a small issue but some good friends gave us a check that covered the expenses exactly.

"Life is a special gift. Having wrestled through that last week we all certainly were forced to look at it (life) and consider what a gift it is.And what is that gift? It is the relationships we have with one another. That is the gift of life,to love and be loved. And I am. And so are you. Let me share a scripture the Lord directed me to last week. James 1:2-6,12 Consider it a sheer gift, friends, when tests and challenges come at you from all sides. You know that under pressure, your faith-life is forced into the open and shows its true colors. So don't try to get out of anything prematurely. Let it do its work so you become mature and well-developed, not deficient in any way. If you don't know what you're doing, pray to the Father. He loves to help. You'll get his help,and won't be condescended to when you ask for it. Ask boldly, believingly, without a second thought...Anyone who meets a testing challenge head-on and manages to stick it out is mighty fortunate. For such persons loyally in love with God, the reward is life and more life.THE MESSAGE

It was a wonderful week last week to be bathed in love...to feel everyone's love was awesome. I am blessed. And I want you to know that you are the reason why. You bless me. And I feel so special because of you.Your ARE a blessing. You have been transformed into instruments of God's love, grace and mercy. I experienced it. YOU ARE A BLESSING.
And I thank God for you,"

Dad

My blessing to you all is that without your love and support I couldn't walk in the grace that I have. I believe you love me, God loves me and I believe we are all learning to know that we are a Blessing to each other. PRAY . BELIEVE . RECEIVE ........YOU ARE A BLESSING

I love you,
Mom

Forty (Plus 1)

My second forty story comes when Billy and I were approaching our 40th wedding anniversary. Hayley ( our precious daughter), Shanna, ( our sweet daughter-in-law) and Heather,(our wonderful first daughter-in-law) all talked to us about giving us a party for our 40th wedding anniversary. They all wanted to contribute to a party much bigger than I thought was necessary. I thought the "BIG" party was the 50th anniversary. I knew that Billy and I were looking forward to a wonderful half-century party celebrating a wonderful marriage. The girls were insistent that we have an "EVENT". The final plans were to have a party in our beautiful back yard. ( Have you seen the trees in our yard?) They ordered tents, tables, and chairs. They made beautiful invitations, decorations, and the food was better than any catered event that I had been to. Hayley is an amazing cook and event planner.Billy planned the order of the blessing. I must be the most blessed wife and mother of all times. We had at least 60-70 guests. All brought blessings and cards that I keep very close. Why do these things seem so important? Well, that party was June 9,2007. That was my last anniversary with Billy. How did the family know that this party was so important? The Lord prompted their hearts to follow through with this life-time event. My children are the blessing that we prayed for and they know when the Lord is moving them. I know that they will continue to grow and hear from God. I ask you to pray for your families to love and grow in the Lord. He always answers prayers in ways that we don't understand. Remember...He is able to do more than we can ask or imagine .

Forty (Plus)

I experienced wonderful memories of forty years...birthdays, anniversary, blessings. This is an amazing number in the Bible. Moses left Egypt at 40 years old. The Israelites were in the desert for 40 years. Isaac was 40 when he took Rebecca for his wife. Jesus was in the desert for 40 days. You may be a scholar about numbers, I am not. But, I do know that most people ( me included) have mixed emotions about their 40th birthday. Some how we feel we should have grown up and yet we feel old before we are ready. Inside we say," I still feel 18, how did I get this old. Admit it!!! We had these wonderful friends that lived in Florida, Claudia and Roger Gumbinner. We tried to be faithful (if finances and kids allowed) to see each other at least once a year. Most years, the trip from Florida to Houston or Houston to Florida was made by us girls.(Excuse me, women.)In 1987, Billy and Roger told Claudia and I that we could plan a girls weekend to celebrate our 40th birthdays. We were so excited. We spent many phone calls to each other and resorts planning a SPA weekend. We were going to have facials, messages, some exercise classes. You know at 40 some parts of the body need extra work. Well, the closer it came to setting the date, Billy and Roger became very interested in helping us with our plans. Somehow, in all the confusion the trip was set. We (now it was all four of us)were going to Pinehurst in North Carolina. This is a golf resort? Claudia and I don't play golf? Maybe there is a Spa there? Nope.. When we arrived, the closest thing to a Spa was the YWCA. We found a locker and a way to exercise. We laughed more than we exercised. We got the golf pro to help us surprise Roger and Billy in the middle of the course. We were behind a tree on something like the 12th hole and jumped out from a tree when they were on the tee box. We did have wonderful meals and of course enjoyed the blessing of our friendship. Roger went to be with Jesus on December 6,2003.Billy followed him 4 years,6months and 3 days later. Both,loved Jesus and their wives and families. Both loved and studied the word of God daily. The blessing of this 40th birthday memory is worth more than gold or silver or any Spa.

Friends

Last night a wonderful friend took me to dinner. We had a great time laughing, talking about old times and especially giving each other sweet directions toward growing in hard times. We could give this kind of advice to each other because the respect,love and faithfulness is always present.Today I went to breakfast with two more friends,again laughter and encouraging words. The main reason that I have survived this last year and a half is because of the heart sharing from friends. Proverbs 17:17 A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for adversity. There have been those that found my grief too difficult and they have stayed away. Maybe I wasn't very inviting. I admit, I have not been able to give as much as I have received during this time. I am looking forward to the time when I can give the love and attention in the measure that I was used to when I had Billy's very present friendship. I have learned that friends become family (like a brother) in difficult times, that the prayers of friends are healing, and that time with friends is a treasure not to be taken forgranted. My friendship with God has become my breath. I talk to Him all the time and I am beginning to hear Him better. John 15:13 ... Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends. Jesus died for me that I can know friendship with him, my Daddy, and the Spirit that He gave me when I invited Him in my heart. I pray for you that you would search for these great friendships. All are needed and all are worth the effort.

Remembering Bill Crain by Bob Kehl

Remembering Bill Crain

Bill Crain was many things to me – coach, mentor, confidant, golf buddy – but more than that, he was a trustworthy friend with a passion for always being better - mainly a better person, but also in a competitive sense, a better golfer. He and I played as a twosome many times, but the agenda switched continually from shot-making to life’s more significant issues – how to be a good father, how to be and effective Christian, how to come to terms with our weaknesses and failures, which books we were reading and so on. These times of relaxed sharing had very few boundaries and could delve into deep waters.
Bill was an unusual kind of leader. He was not the kind of charismatic personality that demanded attention, but he applied what he had learned in very successful athletics endeavors. The led by example with very few words and an occasional well-placed and often clever comment. His direct manner combined with insightful discernment made him very effective in his ministry to the inmates at the local prison.
As I was learning golf and Bill was patiently playing alongside, I would make bad shot and would want to analyze, “What did I do wrong on that? Was my alignment off?...”, and his reply was often the same, “Bad shot.”, meaning that next time, the time that has some possibilities, I must try to hit a good one. I think I do recall direct advice that he offered – all of them in the many rounds we played. We shared church leadership during one period and as I chaired meetings, Bill would get weary with too much talk and not enough action saying, “Moving right along…”. And then there were the cryptic emails with only a subject line “Golf Friday?”.
Bill and I got together for golf about two weeks before his death. I was having a great day and Bill was not. After 12 holes, I had made 4 birdies and had Bill down by 5 strokes. He always kept the score, so I was oblivious that today might be that great day in which I finally beat my mentor. Back at the clubhouse, he added up the score, grinned and said, “Not today.”. Bill always finished well.

In a day when many are looking for those who are “authentic” in their expression of a life of faith, there are few examples. Bill provided one.

Bob Kehl

Authenticity

In these days of deligent spending, we all are concerned for the need to buy our necessities with proof of authenticity or truth about the product. Billy and I knew that this must apply to our spiritual and relational lives as well as our pocket books. We sought out teaching from John and Paula Sandford on "bitter roots", Jack Frost on transparent witnessing, and Neal Anderson on Victory over Darkness and Steps to Freedom. While these tools were great and really made a difference on our lives and ministry, we both would admit that as humans we don't recognize the
TRUTH without trusting someone close to us to help us examine our behaviors. In other words, do you (me) have friends that you trust to tell you the truth. After they have told you, are you willing to make the necessary changes or pray for changes to line up with God's truth.

I am still very dependent on friends to help me stay authentic. Carol prays with me everyday and helps me get through many days of anxiety with a sweet word from the Lord. She calls me to repent whenever I lose my peace. Leslie, Claudia, and Nicky all listen to me and give words of guidance as well as comfort. I believe we all deceive ourselves into thinking that most problems are created by someone or situation other than the almighty ME. People still tell me how much Billy's words of correction and wisdom helped them change. If you are a leader, teacher, husband, or wife I encourage you to step up, have courage and ask those around you if you need to change something that would bring more love to others. It's all about love---HIS and Yours.

Authenticity=Truth=Love (for you and others)

Painful Preparation

This is a title from July 7 in the meditational book GOD CALLING; When I read it on July7,2008, I was barely walking, talking or breathing. The grief that I felt from the loss of Billy was something that I never could have understood or described before. I felt like my heart had been cut in half. We shared every day, all of our thoughts, fears, prayers, joys. How did God expect me to survive without him? Then I read this meditation."Help and peace and joy are here. Your courage will be rewarded. Painful as this time is you will both one day see the reason of it, and see too that it was not cruel testing, but tender preparation for the wonderful life-work you are both to do. Try to realize that your own prayers are being most wonderfully answered. Answered in a way that seems painful to you, but that just now is the only way. Success in the temporal world would not satisfy you. Great success, in both temporal and spiritual worlds awaits you. I know you will see this had to be." This didn't take me through the grief but it gave me encouragement that there was something that I was supposed to do and somehow Billy would be apart of it.

When Billy wrote this book in 2006, he tried to get it published. He didn't have much success so he decided to put it away and work on it later. His later was interrupted by the distractions and relationships that we all face. So in the fall of 2008, Brad and I began to pray about someone to help publish this book. We signed a contract with CSN Books in January,2009. They said the process would take 3-4 months. I really wanted the book out for baseball season. I just knew young and old baseball fans would really want to read it. Baseball season came.....and went. "OK, GOD! Please give me the book for the anniversary of Billy's going home to you" That date came...and went. Five weeks later on July 7,2009, a large truck drove in my driveway and delivered 2000 copies of Dad's Lessons from the Sandlot by Billy Crain. I know this is only the beginning of what God was telling me that " one day I will see this had to be."
God continues to tell us to remember HIS faithfulness in our stories and then we will be able to face the pain or confusion of today.

Blessings from Billy 8-01-2005

I am going to start putting in the blog some of Billy's blessings.

Change...it's a funny thing...it happens to us whether we like it or not...sometimes we choose it; sometimes we plan it; and sometimes it just happens to us! The main issue concerning change has got to be our attitude towards it--do we embrace it or fight it. It's hard to choose to embrace change, we so want to be comfortable. But we need to remember a truth, I believe that God orchestrates, or at least allows, all things that happen to us. And He does so for our benefit...for our growth...for our maturing...all of which enables us to draw closer to God. Change is God's way of keeping us plugged into Him.
So I want to bless each one of you, and me, with a new attitude of seeing God in everything...of trusting God in everything...and therefore be able to quickly look for Him and receive what He is doing in your(my) life. And to know it is God seeking a relationship with you. It is God loving you.. It is God taking a personal interest in you. It is your Daddy loving you.
Lord, I pray that when change seems to be coming, help each one of us to move quickly from the feelings of dread/despair/defeat to an attitude of HOPE and even ANTICIPATION...of knowing and seeing You are there.

I love you all,
Dad

Romance

I don't know if all engineers have difficulty with romantic efforts, but Billy's efforts to understand my language of love were often met with "left-field" attempts. I tried to talk to him about surprises, flowers, romantic dinners. The flowers, he could do but Kroger didn't always put an arrangement together to suit my taste. Sorry if I sound a little spoiled. I was. We only learn these things in hind sight. His greatest attempt in this area came with an invitation to go away for a weekend to a secret location. "Pack your bags. I've arranged for baby sitters for a 4 day weekend away" He wouldn't tell me anything except casual clothes and I might need a jacket. We had a wonderful game for a week with me asking questions and him giving me misleading clues. I was at the airport before I discovered that we were going to Las Vegas. Sudden disappointment. This was not on my list of where I wanted to go. It took me several hours to release my emotions to the Lord. I am sure he had his frustration about me but we were both wise enough to stay quiet. We had a great weekend. We rented a car and saw beautiful mountains and the amazing Hoover Dam. We had romantic dinners and wonderful conversations. (that is my love language) I am reminded of how we give our demands to the Lord of how we want to experience His love and how often we battle the disappointments when it doesn't look like we want it to look. My life right now is in one of those pauses between experience and hope. I pray this passage often: THE MESSAGE BIBLE: "I know what I'm doing. I have it all planned out-plans to take care of you and not abandon you, plans to give you the future you hope for.When you call on me, when you come and pray to me. I'll listen. When you come looking for me, you'll find me. Yes, when you get serious about finding me and want it more than anything else, I'll make sure you won't be disappointed". Say this with me, I Jennifer,(your name) won't be disappointed with God's plans for me.

Memories

Today I went to church at St.Paul's Methodist on Main Street in Houston, Texas. It was a wonderful experience of beautiful music and people who come together to find Jesus.This is the address on my wedding invitation June 9,1967. Our son,Brad was Baptized in this church. We were going to this church when our marriage fell apart in 1972. Good memories and difficult memories in the same building. Why does God take us around the same mountains 40 years later? I am reminded of the Israelites. Moses leads them out of their slavery in Egypt but then their lack of faith makes them stay in the wilderness for 40 years. I don't think I have been in the desert for 40 years but Billy and I did stuggle to find this great marriage for most of our 40 years. We went to counseling, we helped other people, we practiced everything that we learned and we fell more and more in love with each other every year. Billy is in the promised land. He is face to face with Jesus. I have to believe that I have some work to do for these next years ,that I am here and not there,that I need to fall more and more in love with Jesus. I pray that my purpose is to lead some of you to find this love of family, spouses, children, strangers and of course our Lord. May God bless you with this overpowering love that is beyond words.

Going Home

I am going to respond to Brad's comment from yesterday's blog. Brad asked,"what does it mean to go home?" and "how do you stay focused on that vision?" I can only answer from my experience and not from a theological expertise. To me going home means that I am going to see my savior ( Jesus) and my Father (Papa,daddy) the Holy Spirit,Billy, and other loved ones. I am going to be in a wonderful atmosphere of worship and love. No more sorrow, no more tears.... Our pastor, Steve Meeks talked about a discipline of being Heavenly Minded that kept the disciples focused on their calling to the point that suffering wasn't consuming their souls. In scripture, Paul says that to live is Christ and to die is gain. We need to look forward to heaven while we work to bring God's Kingdom here on earth to others. Learning to live each day here with love,kindness, and discipline is something I try to focus on early every morning. Hopefully, I stay there. But, if I don't, I tell God that I am sorry and I return to my focus.
Listen to Hebrew 11 in the MESSAGE: (1)The fundamental fact of existence is that this TRUST in GOD, this faith, is the firm foundation under everything that makes LIFE WORTH LIVING. It's our handle on what we can't see. The act of faith is what distinguished our ancestors, set them above the crowd..........(13) Each one of these people of faith died not yet having in hand what was promised, but still believing. How did they do it? They saw it way off in the distance, waved their greeting, and accepted the fact that they were transients in this world. People who live this way make it plain that they are looking for their true home. Does this answer your question? I love you, Brad.