Road to Overcoming

After 16 months of trying to live a life without Billy, I thought I would have some answers to my many questions. I have some stories of God's grace and mercy to me but I can't say that I have any answers. The only revelation that I have is that this battle to overcoming grief is a discipline of seeking God and looking for His guidance one day (or hour) at a time. I gave a teaching at my church several years ago about Naomi from the Book of Ruth. It is a fascinating story of a woman who left her country with her husband and two sons searching for provision in a foreign land. While in that land, her sons married foreign women, then her husband and both sons died. She decides to go home and one of her daughter-in-laws wants to go with her because she loves her. Remember, when I gave this talk I had not experienced this awful grief. I just felt like I could really understand this woman. Naomi tells her friends when she gets back to Bethlehem, "don't call me Naomi,Call me Mara, for the Almighty has dealt very bitterly with me." Read the Book of Ruth. It has a great ending. Naomi discovers that God has a bigger plan. His plan for her was to give her a wonderful grandchild that would not only take care of her but also make her a great-grandmother to David and the ancestor of Jesus. An ordinary widow has an important place in the full telling of God's story. Billy blessed each member of this family to know and walk in our complete destiny. My children and grandchild are all on the road to overcoming and we WILL see HIS STORY worked out in our lives.

Your Inheritance

Are you depositing in your heavenly account? Read Matthew 25:35-40. When he finally arrives, blazing in beauty and all his angels with him, the Son of Man will take his place on His glorious throne.........Then the king will say to those on his right. Enter, you who are blessed by my Father. Take what's coming to you in the kingdom (your inheritance) It's been ready for you since the world's foundation. And here's why.

I was hungry and you fed me,
I was thirsty and you gave me a drink
I was homeless and you gave me a room,
I was shivering and you gave me clothes,
I was sick and you stopped to visit,
I was in prison and you came to me.

Whenever you did one of these things to someone overlooked or ignored, that was me-You did it to me.
I am going to meet my group at the prison to discuss Chapters 2 and 3 in Billy's book. Remember my question today: Are you depositing in your heavenly account today? It's better than silver or gold.

My Inheritance - Part #4

I met James in one of my small groups. In these groups the guys would tell us their personal stories. Each story was full of painful experiences that most had never told anyone else. James's story was particularly gripping. He had been a witness to his fathers rages and violent attacks on his mother and siblings. One day he attacked back and soon Dad moved out. He shared that he dreamed every night of the different ways that he could kill his father. "Mrs.Crain," he said," I just can't do this. I love Jesus, but I can't forgive that man." I knew that we just needed to pray for God to show James His love and His power. He agreed to just ask God to make him willing to be willing to forgive. A few weeks later, James showed me a letter that he had written his dad. "Dear Dad. I have always hated you for what you did to us. I am a Christian now and I need to forgive you even though you were a terrible father. .James. "James, do you think that you could change any of this to be softer, I said." "No. Mam," he replied. We prayed over the letter and he gave it to his case-manager who was able to find the right address. I knew it was a miracle that he could even write this much. James got a letter back from his dad." Mrs. Crain, thank you, thank you, I heard from my Dad. He is a Christian and he asked me to forgive him. He wants to come see me" Wow! Isn't God amazing. There is more. A month later when James's dad did come we found out that the dad had a business and offered James a job when he got out of prison.His business was music production and James was a talented musician. God is still in the business of miracles.

Do you have miracles in your life? Today or in the past. Please let me know about them because they build my faith just like James did. Our God is Amazing.

My Inheritance - Part #3

Four years ago, Billy and I were introduced to a ministry that was perfect for us and for the guys at IFI. It was called -Experiencing the Father's Embrace-By Jack Frost. The foundational principle was that it was difficult to experience God's unconditional love when you had a parent, especially a father who demonstrated the opposite. Most of the men in prison had absent or abusive fathers. Forgiveness for their fathers or themselves as fathers was impossible to imagine. We would give talks about our own experiences with forgiveness and then pray with the guys. Tears and hugs were shared as Billy and the other male volunteers would stand in for their fathers and ask for forgiveness. When the guards would ask us to leave at 8:45,many of them were crying.

I have been able to forgive my parents and myself as a parent by recognizing God's gentle nudges through memories and circumstances. We aren't wounded in one event and usually it takes several prayers to feel a healed heart. This last year since Billy's absence I felt my father's absence again. My prayers for myself and from others has been that I recognize my Daddy God's presence in a deeper way. I have prayed to forgive my earthly dad again and I have found God's faithful love in everything from hugs from friends to the beautiful cardinals that show up in the shadow of the trees, to the wonderful worship that I experienced at Calvary Community Church this morning.

How do you experience God's love? If you don't, do you need to forgive a parent or anyone?

My Inheritance-Part #2

It was January 1997 when I met the first group of guys in the IFI program. They were so happy to be in this safe environment. Several told me that this was the first time they had slept with both eyes shut since coming to prison. They were invited to transfer to this prison if they didn't
have a violent case since coming to prison. They were made aware of the content of the program and agreed to a mentor from the Houston or Dallas areas. The reason for the last critera was that Churches in these areas had agreed to provide mentors for these guys when they were released to give even more encouragement to get help before returning to the "old ways". We had a new group of guys to work with every four months. It was a great experience to watch them share what they had learned in the classes with their adult family members on Thursday nights. We saw reconciliation with parents,wives, sisters and brothers. God was always present. We were regularly asked,"why do you come here?"> It seemed so obvious to us, "Because, Jesus is here".

You need to give the Jesus in you away and then He comes back to you. It really works, try it.

My Inheritance - Part #1

Over the last 11 years, I have spent over 4000 hours in prison. Phone calls to my house from friends for social invitations would be greated with, "Oh, I'm sorry we can't come, we have prison tonight. Billy and I loved going to the Carol Vance Unit and bringing God's love to the inmates. We felt more at home there than we could ever have imagined. Billy was a volunteer chaplain and often spent lunch hours and Saturdays praying with one of his adopted sons there.
Billy had been mentoring a young man at the Central Unit when he heard about a new prison program opening up 5 minutes from our house. George Bush was Governor of Texas and was exploring a faith-based program to reduce the recidivism rate of prisoners. The program was to be called the Inner Change Freedom Initiative and was staffed by Chuck Colson's Prison Fellowship.
It was a sobering experience to stand at the gate, wait patiently until the guards took my drivers license, then walk through several gates. Each gate slams behind you and you are encaged until the guard releases the next gate. While standing in the cage you can look up and see the beautiful starry night in Sugarland, Texas. The view is somewhat obstructed as you look into the circled barbed wire that quickly reminds you that you want out of here a.s.a.p. There is always that momentary skipped heart beat until the lock on the gate is released and you "get out".

(Aside - I was just wondering how many things God keeps me from getting out of prematurely.)

Training

I had a great class today at prison with Dad's Lessons from the Sandlot. We discussed the little league stories and the importance of coaches,parents, and teachers. Several of the guys had stories of talent in sports. All of them had broken homes or parents that didn't discipline them. They repeated common themes of parents not wanting to see the rebellion and the pain of not feeling supported. The opportunity to quit always presented itself. One man lost a college scholarship and several didn't finish highschool. All of them agreed that the training from the early days is still with them. They are finishing their GED's and taking every opportunity to learn. So quitting can be temporary.
I have felt like quitting many things this year. It is too hard without Billy. Learning to write, publish this book, give talks, writing this blog are all things that require more discipline than I am comfortable with and yet I keep pressing forward. Because....I believe God. Because I have been encouraged and loved by family and friends.
THE MESSAGE: Hebrews 12:7-13 God is educating you, that's why you must never drop out. He's treating you as dear children. This trouble you're in isn't punishment, it's training, the normal experience of children......We respect out own parents for training and not spoiling us, so why not embrace God's training so we can truly live?.....It's the well-trained who find themselves mature in their relationship with God.