Which Way Are You Looking?

Over and over Scripture tells us to look up. Look to Jesus. Look forward (for the joy set before Him, Jesus endured the Cross). It is so easy to focus on the problems or circumstances, feelings or physical pain of the moment. This circumstance is usually screaming "Pay Attention to ME". How do you then turn away and look up or forward? I have watched my Lord over and over gently point me in that positive direction. I must get very quiet to see or hear His direction. Even getting quiet is not the natural human reaction to a problem. Do you remember a parent or teacher telling you to count to 10 before you respond in anger? Maybe in those 10 seconds, we can allow our emotions to separate themselves from our thoughts and especially our words. In those moments we have the opportunity to look up and see His answer, His words, His plans and choose His response. I had that opportunity the other day, when a person that I was counseling responded sarcastically to a comment that I had made. I felt that fire inside and a equally sarcastic comment was forming in my mouth. I was able to count and pray. Out of my mouth came an apology for the miscommunication. The person accepted the apology and then offered one of their own. I really believe that only God can keep us humans in loving relationships. We are so focused on our own pain that we forget to look up and see the pain He endured to free us. Those whom God has freed are free indeed. God bless you my loved ones.

Routines

I still can't catch my breath. Even though it has been 2 plus years of being a widow, everyday my mind,emotions, and body beat differently than they did before. Actually, my heart skips beats that were regular. I question these changes all the time and wonder when I will settle into a new routine, one that has some predictable or at least recognizable patterns. I think about ways to honor my previous life and try to listen to God's directions to follow His plan for my future. Remember, He knows the plans that He has for me. They are for a hope and a future. I spend time with a lot of people who haven't had this complete of a distruption. When with them, I can't help wondering if they would do something different, better, or worse than I am. I know, I know, don't compare. Not easy. I have learned to live one day at a time. And, I have found grace in those 24 hours. I am looking for something that I can't make happen. Maybe you are too. I think that something, is knowing the purpose is still there. After a dream is gone, is there a new one and did the old one just end. Again, I have found His Grace in focusing on the Big Future. His coming Kingdom. But, where is the little purpose that provides routines and comfort zones. Let's consider that the "little purpose" is faithfulness. It is like that sweet kindergarden child ( my Seth or Ava) They will learn their purpose as they complete those worksheets and learn how to read. I see it, Lord. Forgive me again for impatience. I pray for you and me to have patience to be faithful in the little things. I will not despise the day of small steps. I love you.

Never Fail

Wouldn't that be great to know that you could "never fail"? Most of us, including me, are afraid of trying new things, especially if we think that we might fail. I have done so many things these last two years out of shear nessesity that I have lost count. That must be one of the reasons that the Lord allows these trials. I don't think most of us would even try new things if we didn't have to. I have learned that my mind needs to stay on the REASON for my life. It is not that I never have problems, or never fall short in something. It is getting up every morning and telling Him that this day is His and I am living it with Him and for Him. I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. At the end of the day, I thank Him for all the good things of the day and release to Him the things I am trying to be concerned about. I seem to need a plan to keep me on track. The plan comes in my quiet time in the morning. Today's plan from the NIV is from 2Peter 1:3-11. " His divine power has given us everything we need for life and godliness through our knowledge of him who called us by his own glory and goodness. Through these He has given us VERY GREAT AND PRECIOUS PROMISES..........Make every effort to add to your faith goodness and to goodness, knowledge, and to knowledge, self-control and to self-control, perseverance and to perseverance godliness and to godliness brotherly kindness and to brotherly kindness love."....... And guess what!!!!! ......" If you do these things YOU WILL NEVER FALL" or FAIL. What a great promise. All I have to do is try these things, ask forgiveness when I fall short. The grace of my Daddy, picks me up and I hear Him tell me "Well Done." I say to you all who are working on your life of faith, "Well Done" Great will be your reward.

I love you all,
Mom, Nana, Jennifer

Resurrection Day

This is the day 2 years ago that our beloved husband, father and friend went into the arms of His Father and His Lord and friend, Jesus by the power of the Holy Spirit that lived mightily in Billy Crain. We are missing him but convinced that we will see Him again. For us (His Family) we have the force of gravity that grounds us to this earth but we also have a Glory that defines us. I personally am trying to walk more in this Glory. Even this I can't do by myself. I pray for patience and courage to wait. Wait to see Jesus and my Heavenly Father: Wait to see Billy and wait to see others that have gone before. There is work to be done. Others need to know Jesus like Billy does. Others need that intimacy with the Lord that Billy walked in, showed us and told us. He blessed our family over and over. We can't lose the blessing that our husband and father spoke over us. May our spirits let go more and more of this gravity ( this holding our thoughts and feelings to things of earth). May our minds, thoughts and emotions hope, obey, wait and love. I believe God gave Billy and I both natural and adopted "children" who are going to follow in our spiritual paths. You all will be blessed like in Isaiah 61:9 " Then their offspring will be known among the nations. And their descendants in the midst of the peoples. All who see them will recognize them Because they are the offspring whom the Lord has blessed. I love you, Jennifer, Mom, Nana

Amazed

I do stand amazed at the blessings that God gives me every time that I go to volunteer at prison. Last week, I started two new groups. On Wednesday, the guys are reading Billy's book. Some of them were crying about the stirring God was placing on their hearts about their own stories and how much God pursued them while they were running away from Him. They really love Jesus. It is convicting to me. I want to never let Jesus out of my mind or heart. The second group meets on Tuesdays. These men have started writing their own stories. About 6 men read their stories. Each story was to follow a guideline of 1. a personal story and 2. the story must be read in less than 5 minutes. After the story is read, the others made positive comments about how the story affected them. They were very vulnerable in sharing these events in their lives. They commented that writing and reading the story brought more awareness of how God really was there in these events. Our prayer is that some of these stories will help others who can't get out of the negative cycles and/or blame God for their problems. Maybe, God is putting together another book. Oh, I almost forgot to tell you. Several keep telling me to write a book about my marriage. I think I have heard that before. If you get a chance, please read some of my stories from September 2009. God bless you all to be amazed at HIS HAND IN YOUR LIFE

Yes, He Loves Me

Today I started another group at prison using Billy's book. The class of 10 men were amazing from the start. The questions that they asked about the book were very insiteful. But, a surprize came in the middle of the class when several of the men gave me words that I felt were from Heaven. One man said that he felt that God was so in love with Billy and felt such intimacy with him that He couldn't have the separation anymore. I can't tell you how surprized I was to hear the same thing that I felt about why God took Billy when He did. Another quoted from Enoch and Elijah's stories of going home to God without dying. They expressed the need to have that same intimacy with God that Billy, Elijah and Enoch had. Several said that the desire of their hearts was to walk with God all day, in every situation and relationship. I left there feeling blessed by Daddy in a new way. He showed me how closely He watches me and sent me connections and words that expressed His love for me while I thought I was there to help others. I guess these lessons of love and faithful are always a two way street. Remember, when you give, you receive.

Daddy Loves Me

The class that I volunteer on Tuesday nights at prison started again this week. There are 54 men in this group and 8 volunteers. We use the material that Jack Frost of Shiloh Ministries published called "Embracing the Father's Heart". The purpose of these lessons is to open the men to the challenge that because they have wounding in their lives from fathers and mothers, they have difficulty really experiencing the love of God the Father. When you can't experience love then you can't give it to others and you stay sick. God created us for Love. As usual, I see something in my own life when I watch the Jack Frost video. This time, I felt the pain that I felt as a child from my father's absence due to his alcoholism and my parents divorce. I have dealt with this issue before; forgiven my father and mother and felt peace about them.But tonight, I realized how much this absence from Billy in my life, felt similar to that old wound. Maybe that is why I struggle so with feeling that God loves me from a distance now, while he used to feel close to me.I have experienced God's hand in my life in many ways in the last two years, but I cry and pray often to have that deep experience of being enveloped in His Presence. I will pray some more about forgiving my earthly dad for his absence. I will write some more about this later. This is a process not a paragraph. I love you all.Jennifer. Mom