Words that Heal

Do you remember the letters that I told you about that Billy wrote me from A&M when I was in high school and college? It isn't surprizing that letters were the major source of healing for this broken marriage. I can't remember when or who began to talk about Marriage Encounter. Several of our new friends went to this weekend experience and loved it. The intent of the weekend was to develop intimacy in communication between a husband and wife. Boy, did we need that! And a weekend without kids, hallalujah! We arrived at a very peaceful retreat center in southwest Houston called "The Cenacle". The talk on Friday night was given by a couple who shared how writing letters to each other had transformed their marriage. Billy and I knew immediately that we were in the right place. The schedule for the weekend included a lot of time to write and share with just each other. A few talks were given to keep us on the right path. The rules were 1. Write for 10 minutes using only "How something made me feel". 2. Share each letter with your spouse, allowing only 5 minutes each of listening and sharing of feelings from the letters. Example: Billy's letter" When you start an argument late at night, I am too tired to think and it makes me feel totally inadequate and a failure at meeting your needs " My (silent) response was "this is the only time I can get your attention" I learned to say "I am sorry that you feel inadequate to meet my needs" My letter would read,"when we argue, I don't feel heard. I feel invisable." Billy's response was" I am sorry that you feel like I don't see or hear you". We would end these exchanges with I love you and I want you to feel my love. This didn't solve any problems but it put us on the same team. We started a small group when we returned home of other couples like Norma and Bob Burlingame who wanted better marriages. After some time of weekly writing and sharing, we grew to really understand each other and started growing closer to that one flesh experience that we had before Billy went home. We all need to work this hard to discover the wonder in our spouse, friends, family and even strangers. His glory is in us. I love you and I believe you can have this love.