This has been a day or yet a week when I wanted to run away. I don't know where I would go or what I would do, I just didn't want the pain anymore. Everyone is still wonderful to me, but this beautiful fall weather reminds me of what I would be doing if Billy were here. Watching the leaves blow across the back yard and then taking a walk down our street to the Brazos River was a regular after work event. I have been working on trusting God to fill the empty places. I really believe He will do something. I just keep praying for direction. I hear others say that this is a very difficult time for them. Nothing seems to work the way that it used to. Not jobs or finances, not carefree gatherings with friends and not even the understanding of "Who I Am". I was praying about all of this when my eyes landed on this scripture. THE MESSAGE; Luke 9,22-26. "Then He told them what they could expect for themselves. Anyone who intends to come with me has to let me lead. You're not in the driver's seat--I am. DON'T RUN from suffering; embrace it. Follow me and I"LL show you how. Self-help is no help at all. Self-sacrifice is the way, my way to finding yourself, your true self. What good would it be to get everything you want and lose you, the real you?"
I choose today to stop my "self-pity thinking". I will not run away or make excuses and I will serve someone else today. It is almost time for me to go to prison and lead my group in their Finding God in their Stories.
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1 comment:
ok. I needed to hear that scripture. I'm in the process, since a meeting last night, of letting go, going with what the team decides, guarding my emotions, and waiting on God to give me the right perspective. I also like the part of sacrificing your self and trusting God to protect your/my deep heart desires and hopes ... trusting him to give them back in the appropriate way, not to "lose me", but as to help me find the real me.
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