Routines

I still can't catch my breath. Even though it has been 2 plus years of being a widow, everyday my mind,emotions, and body beat differently than they did before. Actually, my heart skips beats that were regular. I question these changes all the time and wonder when I will settle into a new routine, one that has some predictable or at least recognizable patterns. I think about ways to honor my previous life and try to listen to God's directions to follow His plan for my future. Remember, He knows the plans that He has for me. They are for a hope and a future. I spend time with a lot of people who haven't had this complete of a distruption. When with them, I can't help wondering if they would do something different, better, or worse than I am. I know, I know, don't compare. Not easy. I have learned to live one day at a time. And, I have found grace in those 24 hours. I am looking for something that I can't make happen. Maybe you are too. I think that something, is knowing the purpose is still there. After a dream is gone, is there a new one and did the old one just end. Again, I have found His Grace in focusing on the Big Future. His coming Kingdom. But, where is the little purpose that provides routines and comfort zones. Let's consider that the "little purpose" is faithfulness. It is like that sweet kindergarden child ( my Seth or Ava) They will learn their purpose as they complete those worksheets and learn how to read. I see it, Lord. Forgive me again for impatience. I pray for you and me to have patience to be faithful in the little things. I will not despise the day of small steps. I love you.