Unfinished

The stories that most of us repeat are from our past. Example: "There was a time when Brad was 6 and he and Billy rode bikes around the block. Brad fell and broke his jaw in three places. This was my due date for Hayley and I was tramatized with my child having to be in surgery and have his jaw wired. The end of the story is that God healed Brad quickly and Hayley had a safe delivery." When I see God's faithfulness in the past , the current stories that are unfinished have the same understanding. Problems come when I put a time frame on this ending of the story. I want to be free from the pain of this grief and daily missing Billy. Every anniversary or birthday is a reminder that he isn't here. Did I tell you that his birthday is April 22? I spend a lot of time praying and thanking the Lord that I will see Billy again in Heaven, that God will finish the work that He is doing in me and my family, that the Lord is with me, watching me, guiding me. Even though the final ending is wonderful, I have to work hard to let the daily stories have good conclusions. I have to take my thoughts captive to allow my emotions to retain more positive than negative. The story for today includes, reading the Bible with Ava, taking some groceries to Hayley ( Tyler is sick),seeing a deer run across my property just now, appreciating my good health today, and thanking God that the printer for the computer is working, and yes, talking and praying with Carol. I pray that we can leave our hands open to receive the good that God is doing for us today and continue to release the difficult. I love you, My Friends.

Jesus is Enough

I hunger and thirst for the face of Lord, for the hugs of the Father, for the love I feel for them to grow. I appreciate the small things and the large things that They, with the Holy Spirit, provide for me. I depend on Them for everything. Apart from God, I have nothing. Yet, I will enjoy the children this Easter and appreciate the health and provision that we enjoy. There is always an awareness of this gap between my weak understanding and my hope for the future. Today reminds me that Jesus was willing to go to the cross for my future. I cannot hold that gift lightly.I am willing to pick up my crosses daily to serve others as a token of my love and appreciation for Jesus and the Father and the Holy Spirit's commitment to me and all that I love.
Love is never easy. Love costs. Love is serving, giving, giving up, waiting, choosing good feelings and words over the negative. Love is not complaining. Jesus never complained about having to lay His life down for us. Lord, grant us all more strength in our inner being to serve you and others with gladness and singleness of heart. He has Risen. He has Risen. He has Risen.

No More Shame

This blog is a combination of my experience, scripture, and Billy's teaching material. Shame causes us to focus on ourselves rather than on the glory of God. The problem that must be overcome is that for God's light to shine through us we must be transparent. And if we are transparent then the cracks, nicks and imperfections can be seen by others. Paul tells us to focus on the treasure inside, which is God,not the vessel. (1 John 2:28,"And now, little children, abide in Him, so that when He appears, we may have confidence and not shrink away from Him in SHAME at His coming. Read this as if the Lord is coming to you every day, and every day you have the choice to run to Him or away from Him...shame will determine what you do. My friends in my group at prison are quick to confess that they had a problem with anger with each other or the "system", they are willing to admit that it is their problem and then seek prayer and forgiveness as well as search for the root that causes this sin to continue. It is not easy for anyone to express weakness but especially for men and even more for men who have their lives controlled by the State. John Piper in his book, "Don't Waste Your Life", says" What you love determines what you feel shame about. If you love for men to make much of you, you will feel shame when they don't. But if you love for men to make much of Christ, then you will feel shame if he is belittled on your account." Friends, that is why we must admit our weakness and ask God to clean us up. He is in the restoration business and He loves to take shame off of us. Remember He died for you to have this gift.

Blessings

I think the Lord is prompting me to start getting Billy's Blessings together to put in a book. I really need your prayers. I have spent most of this rainy, Saturday reading the almost 150 blessings that he sent us every Monday morning. Certainly, I have cried a lot, but I have also felt encouraged by Billy and the Lord about how much we are loved. I want others to have some of these words spoken into their lives. It was amazing the thought and preparation that he put into these blessings. To help you understand the importance of blessing, you need to read how Jesus blessed the little children.Mark 10:15-16. He took them up in his arms, put his hands upon them, and blessed them. We want to take them (our loved ones) in our arms, make them laugh and give them something. What is the most important thing that we can give them (ourselves or others)? It is words of blessing.The word blessing can mean the endowment of the power of God's goodness and favor,usually through the spoken word and often with the accompanying act of the laying on of hands.It can also means words of honor and appreciation. Billy's words still have power in the lives of our children and grandchildren and most definitely me. I think they would for others. Let me know what you think.

Winter is Past

A verse in the Songs of Songs has been in my head for months. " The Winter is Past and the Spring has come; the rains are over and gone. Flowers appear on the earth; the season of singing has come,the cooing of doves is heard in our land. The fig tree forms its early fruit; the blossoming vines spread their fragrance. Arise, come, my darling; my beautiful one, come with me." The trees that you see in my opening page have changed from tall brown sticks to full green leaves over night. I am ready to sing with the doves and dance with my Lord. We all have experienced the hard winter and yet we did survive. Our roots are deeper than we can see. The fruit of love is in our lives. I met new friends in Dallas and my faithful friends continue to call, my children have blessed me with a clean garage and new flowers in the place of all that died this winter. But, the miracle is that I now have a new expectancy that even more life is coming. God doesn't just clean us up and give back what was lost, (yes, He does those things) but He gives back what the enemy has stolen with increase. He is going to give me more than I can ask or imagine. Why? Because He loves me and I am His beautiful one. You are too. I bless you to know His Love more than ever this springtime.

Faithful Friend

I felt like God wanted me to tell you about Carol. Carol is the person other than my son, Brad that comments almost everyday on my blog. But, she does much more. I know that I could not have made it through these last almost 2 years without her. She calls me "Every morning", yes, "Every morning". She prays with me about ALL of my concerns, pain, confusion, and plans. She is even available to me during the day and sometimes calls me on my way home from one of my trips. She constantly reminds me that the Lord sees me, loves me, and is always with me. I think that we might even share a mansion in Heaven. The only thing we would be concerned about would be Organic food or the thermostat. That is an inside joke. I love her so much because she has showed God's love to me more than I could have imagined. I hope you all have friends like Carol. Now that I think about it, we all want God to call us His friends. He said that Moses was His friend. I know that Billy was His friend (and mine). I want to work at being a friend of God. That means that I talk to Him several times a day. I tell Him all of my concerns and Listen to His concerns for His Kingdom. I really know His heart. Do you know the what is in the heart of God, today, for you? Ask Him. He wants to be your friend. Oh, yes, and are you a friend like Carol?

Surprises

I have shared with you before that the devotions in the book "God Calling" always speak to me, but March 7 was prophetic. It described what God did for me March 4,5,6 and 7. Listen:" I love to prepare a feast for my disciples- a little glad surprise, not a necessity, as the feeding of the multitude may have seemed. I loved to give the wine-gift at the marriage feast. As you love to plan surprises for those who understand, and joy in them,so with Me. I love to plan them for those who see My Love and tender Joy in them."--Last Thursday I arrived in Dallas for a weekend in a hotel to babysit my grandchildren while their parents went to a healing conference. I scheduled my trip a day earlier because I had friends in the Dallas area that I wanted to see. I was blessed to spend almost 4 hours with a friend that not only read the book but told me that it was life changing for her. I had not seen this friend for about 30 years. Our time was more than I could have imagined. My evening plans did not materialize because my friend was ill. I started to question if I should have come an extra day but felt like God wanted me to get out of my comfort zone and spend some time in the beautiful lobby. I was very uncomfortable sitting by myself until this beautiful young couple started talking to me. They were engaged and expressed a desire to serve God by honoring him in their relationship. I told them that I was a counselor and we began an hours worth of sharing about the amazing marriage I had and the commitment that Billy and I had to work through all difficulties with Christ as the center. They asked questions about how they could improve their relationship. What a connection! Then the surprize...they invited me out to a feast at the Texas de Brazil restaurant. Do you think Jesus was the chef? Maybe....Thank you Lord for loving me so much. I was still smiling in the morning. I'll tell you about my next surprises tomorrow. Bless you, my friends.